I am still afraid of the dark
Exploring my fear of darkness as an adult and how my mind still plays tricks on me
Hey it’s Amine
And today I am gonna tell you something that I never told nobody before…
My fear of darkness
Even my family doesn’t know about it.
Well they probably do, I don’t know.
No I don’t think so.
Because if they did, I would be in an asylum right now and I won’t be writing you this email haha
It might sound like I am just kidding but I am not. It’s a very real fear I have.
Like when I am in bed at night I can’t turn my back to the door. Impossible.
Unless if my sister is sleeping in the same room. Then I feel better.
But if she’s in her dorm and I am alone, it’s like somebody is gonna attack me from behind or something.
This is so weird I know.
Even “the monster under the bed”… I never believed in it.
“Really?”
Yeah. Even when I was a child I never believed in the existence of a monster under my bed at night simply because there is not enough place for him to hide under there haha
I know that what I am saying doesn’t make any damn sense haha
I can hear you snickering.
That’s fine! You can laugh at me. I know it could look weird for some people.
I had that fear since I was a kid. And now as an adult I still have it.
But not as strong as before. I should just not turn my back to the door. I should be able to see the door and who is gonna come from there.
I should always be ready.
But to do what?
Scream?
I am not a baby + I would make fun of myself if I wake up my whole family for nothing. There better be a monster there when they come to my room because otherwise I would look so stupid.
Escape?
How? Can’t escape from the door since the “monster” would be right there.
How about the window?
I can’t either. I live in the 4th floor so it’s impossible.
Attack?
Well what if it’s just my mom? What would I say to her if she sees me holding my office chair and ready to attack her? I thought you were a monster?
She would be like “What the fuck are you talking about? what do you mean by that? don’t tell me you still believe in monsters, you weirdo. Put that office down before I turn into a REAL monster.”
Now imagine my reaction when I suddenly fall asleep and then wake up in the middle of the night and find out that I just slept:
“Oh! Oh! Ooooooh! Shit! I slept! The monster could have been here!”
Nah just kidding.
Now I know there is no monster in there. But there is something in my brain that tells me that it could probably exist.
This doesn’t make any damn sense! Did I say that before?
Don’t think I am crazy! Well whatever. You can think whatever you want now. It’s too late to defend myself haha
I am just being 1000% honest with you.
Now if you ask me where did that fear of darkness come from, I would say: “I don’t know.”
There are fears some people can have just like that. Not necessarily because they had a past experience that impacted them.
For example I also got a fear of whales.
Yeah you heard me right. WHALES.
But why is that?
Did I get eaten by a whale before?
Well obviously not. I can’t be sending this email from a whale’s stomach.
I never ever met a whale before. Never seen one in real life.
It’s just their size and the sound they make that scares the shit out of me.
I also have a LOT of other fears.
Do you want me to share more like that?
Also tell me about a fear of yours :)
Talk soon,
Amine
Chief Nonsense Officer, The Stupid Newsletter